Can you train someone to be happy?
Vanessa Cardew
Marketing Manager
you:unlimited
Everyone is chasing happiness, it seems to be life’s quest. So why is it that only some of us actually achieve happiness and to others it remains elusive?
Everyone is chasing happiness; it seems to be life's quest. So why is it that some of us are happier than others? Why do some manage to achieve happiness but to others it's elusive?
Perhaps it's simply that some people just choose to be happy. It's thought that by simply focusing on the positive and not the negative – you can be happier.
"The greatest part of our happiness depends on our dispositions, not our circumstances." Martha Washington.
Many people go through life focusing on the negative and writing off the good times as "flukes" or as "one offs" – or they become afraid of focusing on the good times because they "know" something bad is going to happen at some point. So they filter out the good and look for the evidence to support their bad feelings.
This unhappiness becomes a state of mind. We start to listen to the negative and talk ourselves into unhappiness. This negative loop then links into our belief system and these negative words and thoughts turn into self-fulfilling prophecies.
In short - whatever we believe comes out of our mouths in the words we say, the words we say turn into our actions and our habits and these can eventually become our character, if we are not careful.
So personal happiness depends on the attitude you have decided to have towards life, towards others and, especially, towards yourself. Appreciation of what we possess is vital to this element of happiness.
Archie Mundegar, Managing Director at you:unlimited, views happiness in a simple way. "For me happiness is a formula that balances a number of simple, key elements. It takes time, hard work and persistence. You need to have goals and bucket loads of positivity.
"I have found that the most truthful and useful advice from the best models of happiness boil down to some pretty simple ideas, which at first may strike you as a little unspectacular. They are so simple in fact that you may not feel much excitement at the thought of implementing them.
"But this is to miss their value. They are powerful because of their simplicity.
"In my experience of coaching clients for various outcomes, personal and professional, the first question I ask is the simplest but it's often the hardest to answer – 'What do you want?'
"This is then often followed by 'ok, now what do you really want?' and 'And what would that do for you?'
"It's simple but it's powerful. It connects the things people are doing with the reasons they are doing them. If your actions and your intentions are misaligned then you will never be happy. Only incongruent, the feeling that you are not wholly committed to what you are doing and how you are doing it."
As we know, reaching your important goals is one of the keys to achieving happiness. We have developed a 7 point plan to help you to achieve those all-important goals and bring you closer to the happiness we all crave.
you:unlimited’s "Goal – Getter"
• Decide and Define it! Decide on your ultimate goal in whatever context you are considering whether that’s work, a hobby or a relationship. And then define it. Give it context and a realistic timescale. Saying "I want to be happy" is not nearly as useful as "I want to be enjoying my job by August 1st 2007". or "I want to be fitter and will run a 10K race by September 2007".
• Be Positive! Write your goal down on a piece of paper and make sure it uses positive language. Don't write "I want to give up smoking" but "I will to be healthy and free from addictions by July 1st 2007". Language is important here, it’s not about what you are "giving up" but what you are "gaining".
• Believe it! Write down what you believe about this goal. Is it achievable? Is it in keeping with your sense of who you are? Is it something you deserve? Why is it important? What does it mean to you? This will help you to really focus on the goal and bring it to life in your mind, generating energy around it.
• Plan it! Next think about the actions you will have to take and by when to achieve your goal. Be specific. Details matter. But also be realistic, small bite sized chunks are more realistic. One thing at a time – looking at a 6 month training plan is daunting for anyone. Pick the most important items for the next 4 weeks – tackle them one by one. Then move onto the next stage and so on.
• Score it! Write down how motivated on a scale of 1 – 10 you are to complete the actions needed to reach your goal. If you have a low score then it’s likely you don't want the outcome enough to make a go of achieving it.
• Stick it! Post a list of the actions and your goal on the inside of your wardrobe door, the front of the fridge or somewhere you will see them every day to remind you of what you are doing and why.
• Keep it up! If you get stuck, keep trying. There can be many reasons why your progress has slowed; just talking it through with a friend, colleague or a trusted loved one can help you to build up your motivation. There are plenty of professional coaches these days who can help dig you out and find out what it is that’s holding you back.
Good luck.
you:unlimited
training people love
t: +44 (0) 20 3202 0001
e: team@you-unltd.co.uk
www.you-unltd.co.uk
First published in The People Bulletin, 26 July 2007