To be clear who you are, know your shadow

John Gloster-Smith

Director
The Empowering Partnership Ltd.

How often do you find yourself making snap decisions about a person you have only just met? John Gloster-Smith introduces us to the concept of the Shadow and how integral it is to effective self-appraisal.

How often do you find yourself making up your mind about a person you meet, only to quickly revise it as you get to know them? Do you find yourself catching yourself making a negative judgement about someone based purely on an instant impression? Your training probably has told you not to do that but to treat others with respect and to be non-judgemental. But you are human, after all.

How often have you worked with other people who have negative comments to make about others, or who make others the cause of things that go wrong, or that habitually cast others in a bad light portraying their fellow-workers in a way that you yourself do not recognise?

These are situations where the Shadow may be at work, as it is in all of us.
When people are engaged intensively with one another, as they often are in organisations, issues arise that are not just to do with the contents of interactions but also with the dynamics of the interaction. People who seek to understand and manage their own interactions with others often find that they do well to think further into what comes up for them when they bump metaphorically into other people. And this is where knowledge of the Shadow is so useful.

The Shadow is a term derived from Carl Jung and it is the idea that there are parts of ourselves that we are not aware of, which we have disowned and usually projected on to other people. These parts may be negative or positive. For example, I might present myself to others as Mr Nice Guy, as in truth I once did. In reality I might not think I’m nice at all, but I don’t want to go there so I make a big effort to “be nice”, as instructed originally by my parents perhaps. However, out there are lots of nasty, angry people, who I find myself repeatedly in conflict with. This causes me a lot of stress. Until eventually something big happens and I have a wake-up call, obliging me to take a good hard look at myself. The learning of this self-enquiry is that those angry people are projections of mine. What is then needed is an acknowledgement of the disowned part of me and an integration of that part into me, probably by increasing my anger, but not at others’ expense – or mine. I then do not meet so many angry people and feel more at peace. And I start liking myself warts and all.
This is a simplistic way of presenting the shadow, but it is a major feature of our make-up. And if we don’t become aware of and acknowledge our shadow, it can play havoc in our lives, particularly in our relationships with other people. This has particular resonance for those who follow eastern practices such as meditation. It has been found that however much meditation you do, you will not to get to reach your Shadow. The discovery of the shadow was one of the most important contributions of Western psychology to human consciousness. It means that the process of self-enquiry is very important. “Know thyself” was the famous phrase over the entrance to the Oracle at ancient Delphi in Greece. It is still relevant today as it so important for higher-profile employees to conduct their own self-awareness work, not just with 360’s but also in coaching.

Often my wife and I meet people in our work who have failed in this enquiry. It is not uncommon I’m afraid to say in fellow people professionals, who work closely with others and yet lack self-awareness as well as in business people who lead teams and work in high-profile situations. Surrounding them are casualties and conflict. Others see this in them but do not recognise it. Often they will reach positions of power and still do not recognise it. It is not until the emergence of a catastrophe and they hit a crisis point that they are forced to take a look at themselves.

Do you know people like this? Are you wondering whether what is happening in your world has something to do with you but you can’t figure it out? Or do you find you resist this way of looking at yourself? Asking your self these questions is the first step to confronting your shadow and thereby truly meaningful self-appraisal.
 

John Gloster-Smith is a skilled coach, facilitator and management consultant, specialising in personal growth.
The full article on the Shadow can be found on John’s website at www.johnglostersmith.com/articles.html